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I’m encouraged by all of the dialogue going on about the sexual harassment and physical threats that women in many professions have been enduring for years. It’s long overdue.
If I can throw a curveball in here – what about women who accept the harassment and use it to their advantage? What do you think about that?
I’m in no way trying to place blame on women – Donna Karan did that for us already, didn’t she? If we look good, we feel good. That shouldn’t make it permissible for male colleagues to harass us, period.
But what about when women in the workplace consent to getting special treatment for allowing male superiors to treat them inappropriately? What if a female colleague at work even starts sleeping with the boss to get one up on you?
If it’s hard enough to speak up when you are harassed by a male superior at work, imagine how you feel when your female colleague decides she’ll take it and use it to her advantage. Then what?
I have a friend who was in exactly this position during medical school and I’d like to share her story with you.
As a resident, an older male physician who was responsible for many resident teaching duties, including in the operating room, was wildly inappropriate toward women in an atmosphere of the “good old boys,” where it was accepted. She had been in situations like this before, and never felt threatened — just disgusted.
She noticed that this older male physician began a sexual relationship with another resident. She sometimes would walk in on them half-naked at off-hours or seeing patients on-call. Then, this female resident slowly began getting called in on all of the interesting surgeries her cohorts were dying to be brought in on.
Eventually, it became the worst kept secret in her department, and no one questioned why she as a resident was given special treatment in many different ways. Not the least was the blatant favoritism of the best surgeries almost always given to her, not the rest of the budding surgeons.
Remember, this is not even about about unfair pay gap or time off – this is about surgical training for future medical professionals!
Here’s the kicker of the story – both the physician and resident were married! While I don’t judge their infidelity because it’s not my place to judge others, it certainly added a high level of discomfort when my friend attended gatherings with spouses. The whole department knew what was going on, except their spouses…ewwwwww. But I digress…
The administrative staff knew, the department heads knew, all of the operating room staff knew, and all of the residents in the program knew. Not a single person came forward to address the issue. The male residents were just as angry, if not more, than the female residents about the situation!
Since the resident carrying on the affair was the favorite, everyone had to basically kiss her ass. And heaven-forbid you disagreed with her on a patient’s diagnosis or treatment, you could bet that the teaching physician who was also her bed partner was not going to side with you. This defeats the purpose of resident training where thoughts and ideas should be encouraged.
My friend spent four years in an environment like this, where no one would speak up for fear of retribution — and that fear of retribution for a medical resident can extend to the rest of their careers. No one wanted to risk their 4 years of medical school blood, sweat and tears – plus whatever debt was incurred from undergraduate and medical school tuition — to speak against this powerful physician who always got what he wanted.
I bring this up, and wanted to share the story on behalf of my friend, because sometimes women do degrade themselves to get ahead in a toxic environment. And this can make a tricky situation almost impossible.
I hope that the future brings women who are not afraid to speak up — but what about complicit female colleagues? What do we do about them? I want to see women gather together for strength — not be torn apart by jealousy in the workplace.
Food for thought…
